Sailormoon A Story 6 "Insanity at a Glance" Jackie Chiang Well, Minako's once again my choice as the character I'll work with. This fanfic is just really... weird. I've been reading too many of Jon Carp's fics, whom this fic is dedicated to. [Who else?] Language, of course, as always, is an issue in this fic... Little kids beware. Quick Copyright notes: This is a fanfic based on Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon, an anime/manga created by Takeuchi Naoko. Characters belong to her and all others associated with rights [Toei, Bandai, Kodansha, etc.], but the story line and ideas are by _me_. 1997 - Jackie Chiang ------------------------------------------------------------ "Selling candy is a form of prostitution." -My Pre-Calculus teacher ------------------------------------------------------------ I'm not crazy. Really, I'm not. But that's what everyone's been telling me for these past few months. I don't believe them. They're all just mistaken, deluded. It's been pretty okay, sort of... I don't blame them that much. They can't help it if they've been tricked. They're all too naive to see what's really going on... Walls. Surrounding me. All white. Cold, glaringly white. There's a window across from the door, next to my bed. It has metal bars across it, so I can have a nice view of an alley outside. There's a mirror and a table- where I keep my few possessions, some things, pictures- bolted to the ground near the door. Sometimes I go sit over there, staring at myself, wondering when I'll be let out. It's only a matter of time, after all. They'll realize their mistake one day, soon probably. Maybe tomorrow, or the day after that, or next week. I can wait. I'm sitting on the bed right now. They didn't chain me or anything like that; I can wander around the room freely. Not that there's anything to do. I read all the magazines I get, the newspaper, books everyone brings. They come to visit me, sometimes all together, sometimes in little groups. Every week, different days. It's nice of them, even if they are deluded. Haruka and Michiru visited me yesterday. Haruka brought some flowers, Michiru some new magazines, some Sailor V tankubon. They're both so nice, so very nice to me. "How have you been?" Michiru asked me when they had settled down in two wooden chairs the nurses brought in. She's pretty. She has nice hair, soft looking, sea green, turns turquoise once in a while, depending on the light. Her blue eyes focused on me, and I thought very sadly to myself that it was a shame she had been taken in, she was really so nice. "Good," I replied, flipping through the tankubon. They finally came out with tankubon five, and it was thoughtful of them to get it for me. This Takeuchi woman's pretty good at drawing me. "The food's terrible, as usual, but I'm fine." Haruka leaned back in her chair. She's a cross between pretty and handsome; I mean, before I thought she was handsome, with her short blond hair. I like her bangs... But ever since I've known she was a girl, the same day I met her, she's pretty, even with her preference for male clothing. An odd habit, but she's nice, so I can't blame her for anything. Her green eyes gazed around the room. "You really need to fix this room up... The administration says you're well behaved, not a problem, so it's okay if you put pictures or posters up." I stared at her for a moment. "Why? It's only a little bit longer before I'm let out. I keep telling everyone, it's a mistake. They'll fix it, and then I can go home..." They blinked, and I could almost read their thoughts. Poor, poor Michiru and Haruka. They really had been deceived to the point that they couldn't see the truth. I used to think that they were so smart, so perfect, nearly godlike. But they're not... I paused for a moment, thinking to myself, things that suddenly hit me for no reason. "It's strange... Mom and Dad haven't visited me, not once since I came here. I wonder why, maybe they're busy..." Michiru looked down uncomfortably, and Haruka seemed pained. I glanced at them. Something fuzzy knicked me in the back of my mind, but I pushed it away. I didn't like the feeling it gave me, why should I feel any pain, I hate pain. We were silent for a few more minutes. I looked through the manga, silently reading, and they just sat there, watching me. I knew what they were thinking. I want to go home, I don't want to be here, why do I have to be here, Minako's my friend, that's why, that's why I'm here. They could have not come, lost contact, ignored me. But here they are, sitting quietly, bringing what they call comfort to me. They're so nice. Time went by. Slowly, quickly, there's little difference. A few minutes seem like an hour, an hour a mere couple of seconds. Then they get restless, start to move around in their chairs. I glanced at them again. I smiled, saying, "You can go now, Michiru-san, Haruka-san. I'm fine. Thanks for coming. Tell the others I" pause "miss them." They shook their heads, but I can see it in their eyes. They want to go, they appreciate me for dismissing them. Why should they bear the burden of being in this pitiful excuse for a room, with its claustrophobic quality, the walls sometimes seem to close in on me, sitting in two dingy chairs. They were made for elegance. They have lives of their own, they love each other so much, they have a _family_ even- Hotaru-chan and Setsuna-san, in their secluded, beautiful house in the country. I used to go there, once in a while, with the others, my friends, on visits. We'd often have lunch there, talk a bit, walk around in the gardens Michiru so carefully tends, the flowers that Setsuna cares for so much, the lovely blossoms that bloom with Hotaru's love. Life was simple back then... It still can be. When I'm released, everything will be normal again. I can go back to _my_ family, _my_ house, _my_ cat, _my_ room, _my_ life. And I'll be free from this place, I'll be able to live my life again like I wanted. A volleyball player, yes, that's what I want. No, an actress, a singer. Whatever I want, I'll be it. That's why my whole life is for, isn't it? I'll be what I want. I have my whole life ahead of me, I'm only eighteen. They stood up, and I smiled at them. Michiru, in her lovely blue dress, designer labeled, no doubt, from Paris or London or New York, her eyes so calm, so warm, took my chin gently in her hand. She kissed me on the forehead. "Take care, Minako-chan," she whispered. She moved away, towards the door, need to get away quickly, don't you, Michiru-san? Haruka came to me, kissed me lightly on the top of my head. Mistake, I hadn't bathed yet, bath time came after they leave. She didn't seem to mind though, perhaps didn't notice. "We'll visit you again next week, Minako-chan," she said. I believe her, she always comes, she and Michiru-san. Inseparable, so much like Usagi and Mamoru. Together, holding hands on their way in, holding hands on their way out, or perhaps Haruka's hand resting lightly on Michiru's shoulder, soft smiles on both of their faces, in their eyes, even though they don't want to be here. The door opens, and they exit, waving slightly, and then they disappear. Gone, through the door that closes once more. Click. The lock. Today I'm expecting more visitors. It's someone, I know. I forget who, some people, two people. Maybe Makoto and Ami, or Makoto and Rei. Setsuna and Hotaru, Usagi and Mamoru. Whoever. It's just another day, just another visit. Food comes in, brought by a nurse. She's fat, with beady black eyes, grey, dusty hair. Old, fat, ugly, disgusting. I silently hate her. She hates me too, but shows it visibly. One time she almost hit me, I forget what I did, maybe spit on her or refused to eat or something trivial, but Mamoru came in on a visit and stopped her. She hasn't tried that again. She's afraid of him. I thrill in that knowledge. She's human, she's human, she has weaknesses too. She's human. It's mystery meat day again, like all Wednesdays. It's pretty good, if I close my eyes and imagine I'm eating a delicate steak, finally grilled to medium-rare, and that the carrots and peas next to it are only the freshest imported vegetables, and that mushy applesauce is really creamy, well blended yogurt. I'm good at imagining. I finish it quickly, take my medication with my water. The water has this nutrient stuff added to it, to keep me healthy. The medication is to... Well, I don't know what it's for. I just know that I take two pills, twice a day, one in the morning, one in the evening. It's for something. I ask the nurse about it. She glares at me, shaking her head, her face wrinkling up. So ugly, so pruny. I don't like her at all. She tells me, "It's none of your business, just take it like you always do. Little girls should be seen and not heard, especially _sick_ little girls like yourself." But I reply, "I'm eighteen, not a little girl. And no one wants to see me anyway, so I'm kept out of sight and out of hearing." I don't say that I'm not sick; I've tried, she'd laugh at me. If she wasn't so afraid of Mamoru she would have hit me. She glares at me again, then takes the tray away, leaves. I'm alone. I go to the other side of the bed, crawl there, sit on my knees and stare outside the window. The alley has a new sign on it, or rather, a new message sprayed on it. "Fuck you" goes along nicely with "Eat my shit." I keep telling the people that come in to see me to paint over those messages, they're obscene, and I don't like them. They tell me, impatiently, that it's not their property, not their business, and to look at something else. Look at what? The walls are white. The floor is white. The ceiling is white. And only the window, with its cold, heavy bars, and the mirror, its glass dusty, washed once a week by this nice girl who comes in at night and wipes it quickly, never saying anything, only smiling at me softly, I'm awake oftentimes, rushing away, are the things I can look at. Obscene messages or myself. Me, myself, and I. My constant companions. A knock on the door, the guy outside announces loudly, "Aino, got two visitors." The door opens, and he walks in with a metal stick, or something, to use against me if I get rough I guess, isn't that against policy? who knows? and a girl with violet hair and a woman with long, dark green hair. Setsuna and Hotaru. Welcome to my hell. Only I don't say that. I smile at them, glad to see them, inviting them to sit down, next to my bed, where I haven't moved from all morning. Hotaru wears a neat, purple dress with white stripes- she's cute- and Setsuna's wearing a conservative suit, a dark red. So... More small talk. Hotaru presents me with a gift- the newest issue of Nakayosi. Thank you, I tell her, and I look through it. Ooh... Gotta love CLAMP. Oh look, I exclaim, I get a free keychain this time, and a pencil with lead, and this hair thing... Small pleasures. Setsuna has brought some snacks for me- chocolate, cookies, candy- and some other magazines that I haven't seen yet. I swear, all of them must get together and ask each other what they brought me last, I never get the same things twice. I happily eat the treats, I don't get them very often. We talk, doing the same thing I did with Haruka and Michiru the day before. Setsuna remarks that Michiru offered to paint something for me, to put up, and Hotaru asks if I need anything else, how the food is, how things have been going. Naturally curious, she tries to ask different questions to me every visit... But there's only so much you can ask, after a few months, only so much you can do, can bring, can say, can see... Time's up suddenly. What? They just got here, only a few minutes ago... But no, the clock says an hour has passed. An hour, already? They look tired, but Hotaru is still smiling cheerfully, albeit less so than before, Setsuna still has that serene calmness to her face. "No, don't go yet." My hand snakes out, grabs Hotaru's arm as she's standing up. She stares at me, I can see how frightened she is, and I wonder why. It's me, Minako, Aino Minako, harmless Minako, the girl everyone likes, no one is afraid of me. She whispers to me, It hurts, and I can see that I'm holding her arm too tightly, squeezing it too harshly. Setsuna has a paleness to her skin, her eyes are suddenly so dark, so red, and I can see the sudden fear in her eyes too, the panic. I let go of the child's arm. I'm sorry, I mumble, I got too excited. Hotaru smiles weakly, pats me on the shoulder, it's okay, just rest, we'll be back in two weeks, they're going to Europe tomorrow for a week and a half. Setsuna kisses my forehead, like Michiru did, nodding in agreement with the girl. And suddenly, I'm frightened. Me. Scared. What is coming over me? I need them, need them, need someone, call out to them, stop them, make them stay another hour. "Please don't go! Don't leave me here, don't leave me alone, I'm so scared, so cold at night, why can't I go home! Don't leave me!" They turn, as if not hearing me, are they ignoring me?! They're walking away, they're exiting the room, the door is shutting behind them. "NO! Answer me! Don't leave me in this place! Don't go! Why aren't you answering me? Don't go! I NEED you! Come back! Come back!" The door is closed, locked. Complete silence. And as tears drip down my face, I realize that I never said a single word. The doctor came again today. She's asking me all these questions, asking if I remember anything, if I feel better. Yes, yes, I feel fine, can you release me now? Remember what? Remember what? Her lips tighten, and she shakes her head sadly. Her pale hand writes something quickly onto her pad of paper, something about me, something, what, what? What does she want from me? Every week, comes in at the same time, the same day, asks the same questions, gets the same answers. What does she want me to remember? I remember nothing, I don't know what she's talking about. She gets up, her white coat swishing around her legs, like a cape, and her blue eyes are suddenly hidden by the glare from the window on her glasses, hidden, she can see me, read me, and I can't say the same for her. She tells me that I've been behaving well, treats me like I'm a mere five-year-old, doesn't she know five-year-olds are pretty damn smart? Same time, same day again, next week, Miss Aino. Good-bye. And she leaves, like all the others before her, to put me out of her mind, to forget me, to go home to the family that loves her. I'm nothing. Take a good look at yourself, Mina, I tell myself, sitting in front of the mirror. Look at yourself, what do you see? A girl, thin, pale, with scraggly, long blond hair, pale blue eyes that once shone with life, excitement... Something's wrong, why are you so different now? You're the same person, the same girl you've always been... Hotaru was scared of me. Setsuna was scared of me... You. Scared of _you_, not me. You, this person I see, not _me_, they love _me_, they're frightened of _you_... No. They're afraid of _me_, of _me_. Me. I have power now. What power? Some power, I must have it, otherwise why should anyone be afraid of little Aino Minako, who wouldn't, who couldn't hurt a kitten... They're human, they have their fears... What am _I_ afraid of? Nothing, I'm not afraid of anything... Except being alone. Usagi and Mamoru finally visit me, I've been expecting them for a while. Usagi is still cute as ever, with that sweet smile of hers, Mamoru still handsome, his arm around her shoulders. They greet me, ask me questions, offer presents, small gifts. This is getting old... For months, the same things happening every week. Why only now am I tiring of this, why only now am I realizing how much I detest my life? Only a few days ago, was it, I was telling myself how nice it was here, how I was getting along fine. Why now? Calm down, it will only be a few more days... Really, it will... Usagi coughs lightly to draw my attention. I look at her. We used to be so much alike, didn't we? The carbon copies of each other, the twins, the look alike ditzes. And look what happened to us. One of us is wearing a clean, wrinkle-free pink dress, the other an old, yellowish-white suit. One of us got sent to a mental institute, the other is still in high school, young, carefree. I almost laugh aloud at that, but I contain myself. I smile at Usagi, a fake smile, but a smile nonetheless. She wants to tell me something, there's something on her face, an emotion, almost pure joy... But it's marked, affected by some other feeling... Worry? Mamoru has the same look to his face, only not so innocent, not naive. Look how his hand is covering Usagi's, possessively, tightly, warmly. Look at that ring you've never seen before on her left hand, on her fourth finger... "You're getting married," I say bluntly. I try to sound cheerful, but I don't _feel_ happy. Why not? Usagi's such a nice girl, Mamoru's a good man, why don't I feel happy for them? There's another thing I'm feeling now, something, something, everything is _some_ thing, _what_ thing? "Congratulations. When?" Usagi seems a bit stunned that I realized it so quickly, but her smile is relieved and sweet. She blushes faintly. "This year, the end of March, after graduation." Graduation. I would have graduated too, along with all my friends... "I'm happy for you," I say, smiling, it's still fake, but they can't tell the difference. No one can. "You two will be... happy too." Usagi smiles again, her blue eyes lighting up, sparkling. "I'm glad you feel that way, Minako-chan," she whispers. "This means so much to me." Why should it mean so much to her? Is she afraid of me? She is, she is, but she can't be, she trusts _everyone_, why not me? They look at each other, so much in love. Love... They're getting married. Them. In love... Love, love, love, love, love. I feel tired, sick. I want to sleep. I tell them, no, ask them, to leave, please, I'm feeling very sleepy, I need some rest. They nod, they understand, they'll see me again next week. Shut up, I want to tell them, everyone says the same goddamn thing every single visit, never have anything new to tell me... Go to hell, go to your fucking paradise, return to your _perfect_ damn lives, forget about me, just leave me alone. But I don't, I don't. Twist, turn, twist turn. Get out of my head, get out of my mind, leave me alone! No! Why is it so dark here, this coldness, it hurts. My head is on fire, but my body is so cold. Laughter... Mom, Dad. They're laughing. I'm laughing too. Then what's wrong, everything's good, I'm happy, we're all happy. I'm normal. Mom, she's wearing a nice blue dress, to compliment her dark hair; Dad has on a black suit, and my dress is orange. Artemis, he's sitting on my lap, we're all happy. A car comes out of the mist heading towards us. At first, we don't realize it. How can a car be speeding on the _wrong_ side of the road, towards us, towards _us_? We're going to a party tonight, we can't be late, we have to go. Maneuver the car! Do it! Turn, get out of the way, but it's too late, Dad can't do anything though he tries, and Mom's screaming, I'm screaming, everything is going so fast, the car is only a blur, the horns are honking, the headlights shine in my eyes... A loud crash, a loud explosion of a sound, its the loudest noise I've ever heard in my life, pain tearing through me, I can hear my parents and Artemis crying out, I can hear another shriek, it's me, isn't it... Exquisite, exquisite pain, ripping me apart, blood, I can barely see, blood, I feel it all over me, running down my legs, my arms, my chest, my face. Mine, my parents', Artemis's. Then I finally black out. I almost wake up screaming, the same scream I used before, six months ago, but I don't. I control myself, calm myself down before I can. I'm shivering, sweat is on my face, sticky, it's cold. I stare at my hands, breathing in harshly, half expecting to see blood on it, that warm, running feeling, but I don't. I begin to giggle. Silly, no blood. Only a dream. But a real dream, that's what happened. I remember. I giggle again, it's suddenly funny. I remember. I went to the hospital. I awoke, all my friends were around me, worried. Where are my parents? I asked. Where's Artemis? Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. Isn't that a riot? They're dead. They were alive, but now they're dead, for no reason other than God said, "Let there be death" and there was. I went home a few weeks later, returned to an empty house, I'm alone. This big empty house. Went to school again, everyone was sympathetic, what the hell do they know, sympathy isn't worth shit to me. "I know how you feel," "I'm so sorry." Sorry isn't going to bring them back, not a single one of them. I remember... I remember that delicious idea that sprang into my mind a few months later, that wonderful, lovely thought that made me laugh and laugh and laugh in delight. It was so beautiful, that day when I brought home a girl who I had just met, a friend, a new friend. Sat her down in the dining room, said I'd get something for her to eat. When I went into the kitchen, lightning struck me, and I laughed suddenly, something I hadn't done forever, and oh, God, it was beautiful. I took the knife from the drawer, fingered it. Still sharp, it cut me, the blood ran down my hand. I smiled, didn't bother hiding it when I went back to her. She smiled at me, innocently, and when I raised the knife, I saw the look in her eyes, fear, fear, she's human, she's human, she's afraid of _me_, of _me_, I only giggled, stabbed her. Not once, not twice, but over and over again. It was so beautiful, so beautiful. She's human, she was alive, but now she's dead, because Minako said, "Let there be death" and there was. I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful, I'm in control. Of course they took me away after that. I would have gone to jail had it not been that they said I was insane, a loony, psycho, screwed in the head, messed up, fucked up in my mind. Then, for some reason, I forgot. Forgot all this, forgot it, I don't know why... Until now. I remember, I remember. The girl's death, oh, I can't even recall her name, was lovely, it was so darkly enchanting, so wonderful, so beautiful. The only thing that could top that would be... love. Love, something I'll never have. I'm insane, they say, but I'm not, but I'll stay here forever and ever and ever, I'll die here, spend the rest of my life here. No doubt something they invented to keep me in here- insanity, that is. They're afraid of me, every single one of them, afraid of me and my power, oh that delightful power... And yet, as long as I'm in here, no one will love me, no one possibly can. Why not? I want love. Always wanted it. I'm the senshi of the fucking goddess of love, Aphrodite, for God's sake. Why can't _I_ have love? Love, love, Alan never wanted me, he wanted Katarina, they wanted each other, I'm sure they're having a great time in bed together, screw the both of them. I get up, automatically, to the mirror, sitting down on the chair. I open the top drawer of the table, take out a photo album. Love, I want love, need love. Flip through the pages, love, I want love, I need love, love me, love me, love me. Pictures of everyone. My eyes blurrily see them, don't see them, I'm not really looking at them, I'm looking _for_ something, what am I looking for? And then I see it. Them. The four of them. Happy, in love, the senshi in love, who have love. Mamoru, holding Usagi, they're smiling. Haruka and Michiru holding each other, smiling too, looking so perfect as usual. A smile takes form on my face, as I take out the picture, holding it against the dull mirror light. They're so much in love. Mamoru, he loves Usagi so much, she would die for him... Haruka and Michiru, Haruka loves Michiru, Michiru would give up her life and mind and soul to protect Haruka, has done it, many times. They all have love, it's so nice, they're so perfect, all of them, in love. It's a shame they all have to die. Die? Die? I'm going to kill them, yes, kill them. I giggle again, oh, it's such a perfect idea, such a lovely thing to do. Why should they have love when I don't? Slowly, slowly, I rip the picture of the four of them, rip it into tiny little pieces, shred it... I throw the pieces around the room, look, it's snowing, snowing, in the middle of my room. I smile, reach into the bottom drawer, take out what I'm looking for. They thought they were so clever, taking away my henshin stick. Sailorvenus no more, I can never transform into her. They're all stupid, stupid. Who wants to be Sailorvenus, the so called leader of the Inner Sailor Senshi who never gets shit out of anything? Not me, not me. Not when I can be Sailor V. Hey, that rhymes. Sailor V, Sailor V, the lone senshi, the predecessor of Sailor Fucking Moon, Sailor Retard Mercury, Sailor Bitch Mars, Sailor Asshole Uranus, Sailor Miss Thing Neptune, Sailor Whore Jupiter, I got all the glory before they did... Everyone loved me, everyone admired me, I got all the video games and manga and merchandise, they loved _me_ and not them. Who would have remembered to take away my Sailor V items, with Artemis dead? Idiots, Idiots, every single one of them. How could I have thought that they were nice, they're not, they don't care about me. They come, once a week, come into my room, my shithole, talk for an hour about nothing, then return to their perfect lives, their worlds which don't include me. Shove me out of their minds and hearts until they must return, and they only do so half heartedly... "Moon Power, Make-Up!" I cry. But it doesn't matter. I'll teach them. I'm Sailor V, wonderful Sailor V, not the defender of justice in the name of Venus, but Sailor V, defender of her own damn life. Fuck Aphrodite, who needs her? _I'm_ the one who has the power, I'm more than human, because I'm not afraid of anything, not afraid of being alone anymore. I smile, it feels so good to smile. Look at me, in my Sailor V outfit, it's been a long time. A knock at the door, it must be the nurse who washes my mirror now. I quickly go under the covers as she comes in. Hardly ever turns the light on, why bother, it only takes a few minutes. She hums softly to herself as she goes to the mirror. Poor girl. She doesn't realize anything at all until I hit her on the back, snap her neck. I'm Sailor V, I whisper, I'm so powerful, and she falls to the ground, dead. Carry her to the bed, cover her with the bed sheets, I'm so smart. Crescent Moon Compact, ready. "Crescent Moon Power, Transform! Turn me into the nurse!" And I am, I look exactly like her, it's such a clever device, really. I pick up her items, a bucket, and hum the same tune she was, exiting the room nonchalantly. The guy outside waiting for the nurse smiles at me as I exit, and he locks the door behind me as I walk away, down the hall. I know the way out, I memorized it the day I was brought in. I'd always known I'd come this way again, one day, and here it is. Exit, quietly, inconspicuously. There now, I'm outside, in the dark night. I laugh, laugh loudly, I'm free, I'm free, God, it feels so good to be outside, I'm actually _outside_, smell the air, take a good breath, you're free! Look at all the buildings, not the alleyway any longer, see all the people, the cars, feel the sensations, hear and see everything, you're free, I'm free... They think I'm crazy, those still around me, they think I've been in the institute for too long, but I'm not, I'm Sailor V... Run, run, down the street, back home, back home... There are people in my house... _My_ house, I don't know who they are. _Who_ are these people? What are they _doing_ in _my_ house? They're having dinner, a father, mother, two kids, a girl and a boy. Eating dinner in _my_ dining room... WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN MY HOUSE?! Calm down, V. Everything will be okay. Just kill them. Kill them, kill them, everything will be okay. Wait a few hours, when they're sleeping, when all of Tokyo is asleep, and then you can kill anything you want, everyone you want... Death is a beautiful thing. I'm washing the blood off my hands now. Sleep well, dear family that has invaded my house. A knife as Sailor V, gloves removed. How symbolic. Stabbed the children first, in their own beds. The girl was in my room, she rearranged the whole thing, she had to die, no sympathy. _My_ room. A few slashes, quickly, I felt her pulse, she was dead. No pain. The boy, next, a year or so younger than his sister, who was about twelve. A fast death as well, slash, there now, he's dead; I was rather neat with him, he still looks like he's sleeping. The parents next, the father first, the man is stronger. In the chest, then the head, then a few more times just for the thrill. His wife was last, who moaned only a few times in her sleep, never waking up. Too bad for her. I thought of my own mother as I stood over her, my mother, who's dead, in her grave. Just like this woman would be. And it was done. Ah, complete silence. Death, so lovely. This beautiful blood, mingling with the water on its way down... Their blood. I only wished I could have heard their cries, but to arouse attention would be foolish... I sit down in the den to watch some television after making some popcorn. Nothing much on, the family has a lot of channels, some American, others Spanish, Chinese, French, German. It doesn't matter, I'm not watching. I plan the deaths accordingly: First, Mamoru... Then Michiru and Haruka, and finally, the dear, precious Princess. Then who knows? Perhaps the rest of the senshi as well... But first things first. Kill the lovers. Oh, look, Oprah's on. I study my handiwork. Mamoru's on the ground, lying there. I think he's dead, he should be. I hit him with the baseball bat pretty hard after all. There's more pleasure out of whacking something with something hard, or stabbing them, than there is shooting or using my powers. It's so good to _feel_ them die as you stab or hit them... The bat was lying in the kid's room before I left. I ate some dinner before I left the house, took the bat with me. Went to Mamoru's apartment, rang the doorbell, he opened it and saw Usagi... Or rather, me. He let me in, which was a mistake, and then when he turned around to get some tea, A good, nice, big whack straight at the head. There's blood, dripping down. A few more whacks for good measure. He's dead, or if not, he's seriously injured, maybe paralyzed, which is as good, he can no longer tell Usagi, "I love you" and they can't marry, he'll have the IQ of a child of three. V, you're unstoppable. Next on the list- Michiru-san. This is good. Setsuna and Hotaru are in Europe, and Haruka's familiar sports car is gone. A light goes on in the house, Michiru is alone. Perfect, I couldn't have planned it better myself. I silently go to the backdoor. Unlocked, as usual. This is too easy. I hear her in the kitchen, she's singing to herself softly, washing the dishes. She doesn't hear me. A flip on the switch and the lights go out. She whirls around, her eyes straining to see in the darkness. "Who's there?" She's scared, I can hear it in her voice. She's human, not perfect, she's scared, she can die, she can die, she's going to die... Then I hear, "Michiru?" coming from the front. Shit! It's Haruka, why is she back now? Michiru turns around to go to her lover, and then I run up behind her, whack. I hit her with all my strength, and she cries out, falling down. I have to kill her, quickly, but no, Haruka hears Michiru and comes running in, and I only have time to hit her three times more. The lights come back on, and Haruka is standing in the other door, seeing Michiru on the ground. I'm already hidden myself in the shadows of the room near the door. She's holding Michiru now, holding her in her arms, whispering frantically to her. This love, it's such a magnificent thing, I can see how much Michiru means to her now, really see... But it makes no difference. I creep closer to Haruka, she's oblivious to me, and then I hear the fear in her voice, the worry, the confusion. Fear. She's just like the others, mortal, human, flawed. Not like me, not like me. She must die... But... There's something better about watching her suffer. Suffering, better than death? Perhaps only in this instance. See? See the tears in her eyes, green pools now, see all the anger and guilt and lovely, lovely pain there? It's enough to let her live, and when Michiru dies, all the better. She'll kill herself over it... Haruka lets Michiru down gently and runs to the phone, dialing for an ambulance, for emergency assistance now no doubt. I use that time to sneak out, and I run off, ignoring Haruka as she starts screaming my name. Running, running, where am I going? Who knows, who cares. I'm invincible, I can do anything. Legs, take me someplace, anywhere, draw me to a remote place where I can be alone, who wants to go to my house now, there's nothing there. Only a few bodies, bleeding, rotting away into nothing; perhaps they'll be discovered in a few days, a few weeks. Whenever, it's not my problem any longer. I stop. I'm at a cliff somewhere near the sea. The sea, it's so nice. Warm air surrounds me with the hint of saltiness to it, and the waves, they're crashing against the side, the rocks below. I peer down. Yes, the rocks, jagged, crooked, sharp. If one jumped, one would surely die, his body broken and disfigured. Rapture, total rapture at the scene. I could make it though, yes, I could. I'm Sailor V, aren't I, of course I am, beautiful warrior Sailor V. I can do anything, I could jump off and I would make it, I would hit the sea, not the rocks, only the dark, shifting waters... An engine in the distance... A car? Here? I turn around, seeing one screech to a stop, yellow, bright yellow, like the sun, burning ball of fury. Doors open, people climb out. Oh, look, it's Usagi, Rei, Makoto, Ami, and Haruka. Come to say hello, have they? "Minako-chan!" Usagi cries, running towards me, but Rei and Makoto grab her arms to stop her. Minako? Who's Minako? I'm V, call me V, only V. Minako is someone else, another person, in another life, in another world. Not me. "Minako-chan, please don't do anything more," Ami pleads, stepping near me, ignoring Haruka's protests that I'm dangerous, to stay away from me. "We know what you did, and we know that you didn't mean it!" "You'd like that, wouldn't you, Ami?" I reply mockingly. She's so foolish, so damn naive. She doesn't know me at all. "You'd like me to say I didn't mean it, you all would... "Well guess what? I ENJOYED it! I _liked_ killing all those people! You know what I did? Do you really? Want to hear how I slit that boy's neck, or how I stabbed the mother in the head, right in the temple? The blood that poured out, it got onto my hands, on my skirt? See these stains here? All blood!" They blanch, Ami draws away, steps back from me, covering her mouth. I laugh at them outright, it feels so good, let them hear me laugh, let the whole goddamn world hear me. "Minako, we're taking you back now," Makoto tells me, staring directly at me. I return her look, she looks so calm but she's scared, they all are. "You need help." "Help? Help! I don't need help..." I grin. "You think I'm crazy, don't you? A lunatic! Insane! Well, I'm not, I know what I'm doing, so go fuck off and leave me alone." I turn away from them, skipping back over to the ledge. I stare at the water for a few minutes, knowing they plan to get near me. They're going to try to hurt me, but I won't let them, I won't let them. "Why did you do it?" Haruka's voice was low, strained. Ooh, she's pissed about the attacking Michiru thing. "Because I like killing," I announce happily. "I like blood. I like death. Death is so beautiful, so pure. I like hearing their screams of pain, I like how they and everyone around them suffers. It's so empowering, have you ever felt that way before? Totally empowered... I play God. Hell, I _am_ God. "You know what else?" My smile hits Usagi and Haruka at the same time, both wearing the same looks, though Haruka wants to kill me, and Usagi doesn't know what to do but cry. They're both weak, neither can ever comprehend what I'm feeling now. "I _liked_ it when I hit Mamoru, when I bashed Michiru with the bat. It felt grand, oh so grand, it was fantastic, better than sex, I'd imagine. And I'd kill all of you if I had the chance. "But now you're going to take me away again, and I can't let you do that. You call me Minako, but Minako's dead. You can't hurt me, I'm not weak like you. I'm not going to let you get near me, I can fly if I want to, I can, I can." They aren't going to touch me, not a single one of them. Haruka and Rei and Makoto are all slowly walking towards me, what are they going to do, jump me? Not likely. Invincible, all powerful, wonderful, I _am_ a god, I can do whatever I want... Go for it. "You won't get me." I giggle at them, waving, and just as the other three run towards me, I jump, towards the sea. I'm flying, for a few brief seconds that last for an eternity, and I know that I'm crying, I don't know _why_, as I fall to the earth, the water, the rocks below me from out of the sky, and I smile as death embraces me, a single thought in my mind, I am Sailor V. --------------------------------------------------- Yes, so it was really weird, so what? Jackie