Baggy Pants By Miss ParaPara E-mail: Rated: R This fanfic is ment to be a parody. None of it is ment to be serious in any form. Sailor Moon doesn't belong to me. It belongs to TOEI animation, etc. You will soon discover in this fanfic one type of clothing I hate more than anything- Baggy Pants! Warning: If you are a fan of baggy pants or any type of clothes that give that sort of "bum" look I strongly advise you skip this fanfic. DON'T GET MAD AT ME FOR DISING BAGGY PANTS. I'd like to dedicate this fanfic to all the people who hate " baggy pants". Please E-mail me at . I would like to see what kind of replies I will get from this fic. And remember if you don't like it that's no reason not give my other fanfics a try. .......................................................................... " Did any of you guys see the new Sailor V movie?" A excited Usagi held out a magazine with the film review in front of her friend, Rei's face. " I can't believe Sailor V got to sleep with that cute guy. I mean he was a major hunk. Kind of reminded me of that Sanjouin Masato. You guys remember Nephrite?" " Get that the fuck out of my face Odango!" Rei grabbed the magazine and gave it a toss. " Stop talking about that movie, Usagi. I was in it. I hate people seeing me naked. I just did it for the money!" An angry Minako grabbed a pair of scissors from a near by table and tried to stab Usagi. " Sailor Senshi!", Luna yelled at the girls," This is suppose to be a meeting! Minako as much as we all want to kill Usagi, we can't. If we did Central Control will kick my ass for letting you do it." Artemis coughed and cleared his throat. " I'm Central Control. Remember Luna, TOEI Animation told me to knock it off in Sailor Moon R. It was their animation mistake of inventing Central Control in the first place. Once Venus & I showed up, Central Control wasn't longer needed. I was pissed! I got more attention as Central Control than I do now! I deserve more respect than any of you. I gave you all that information about the Dark Kingdom, Luna. I deserve to be leader. If it weren't for me, the Senshi wouldn't have developed. I don't even get to be the leader's cat. I have to live in this old shack. The Aino's treat me like shit! My litter box gets changed once a month. Mrs. Aino is always drunk. Mr. Aino complains he doesn't get enough welfare money. Minako invites these perverted boys in the house at night. I can't sleep with all that noise. I don't deserve this tough life. I should quit this job and start my own anime!" Artemis looked to see their reactions. Minako grabbed Artemis. " Don't dis my family you bastard!" She shook him 'till he shit on her. Minako dropped him and yelled " Ecchi!" The other girls were watching Artemis's & Minako's little drama. They were suppose to be having a meeting at Rei's shrine, but they haven't even started to discuss their Senshi business. Artemis & Minako were fighting. Rei and Usagi were discussing Rei's perverted grandfather. Makoto was reading one of Rei's Ranma 1/2 mangas to Chibi Usa. Only the outer Senshi, Haruka, Michiru, and Setsuna, and Luna were not acting like retards. " Everyone shut the Hell up!!" Haruka yelled after she could no longer stand it. She pulled out her Space Sword and threatened to kill the next one to speak. " Thank you, Haruka," said Luna when all the "frolicking" had came to a sudden stop. " Now, you all know why were here, right?" she looked at the young girls. " To eat doughnuts?" Usagi asked. She shoved another chocolate doughnut in her big trap. Makoto had to have been a good cook, 'cause Usagi had already ate 10 doughnuts in ten minutes. She's a doughnut-hog. " No, you stupid Odango Atama!" Ami interrupted," We're here to talk about the Dark Kingdom, the Death Busters, the Dead Moon Circus, Galaxia and why it takes so darn long to kill them!" Everyone was shocked to see quiet, kind Ami speak this way. " Well you didn't have to bitch at me!" Usagi exclaimed. Ami blushed. She had just realized she had let her temper get the best of her. She knew the Senshi didn't know about the " other" side to her. She felt very embarrassed. " I'm so sorry..." she begun, but Setsuna cut her off. " Don't start explaining, Ami. I want this fanfic to pick up the pace sometime. Now Luna tell us what were doing wrong like you always do." She poked her Garnet Rod slightly up Michiru's ass. Michiru turned to Setsuna and smiled. " I think the reason we aren't very strong against the enemy is that we don't have.." " Have what?" The girls asked. " Baggy Pants." Luna replied. They all looked at Luna with puzzled expressions. " Baggy Pants?" asked Usagi," Why would baggy pants make us stronger?" A doughnut dangling from her mouth. It fell out when she talked. Artemis started to lick it when it hit the ground. Usagi ate it anyway. " Well I noticed that all the villains we face have a better fashion sense. We worn the same Sailor Senshi uniforms for the last five seasons. Only Sailor Moon gets to change into her Super Sailor Moon & Eternal Sailor Moon outfits. The rest of you get modifications to your outfits in SM SuperS, but it's still the skirts. No anime super heroes that has any fashion sense sticks to the same outfits for five seasons. Even Ranma "Changes" more than us. Since the fashion among young people these days are baggy pants, we should give them a try. I have a feeling baggy pants will be the new " wave of the future". " Luna's right," spoke up Chibi Usa," In the 30th Century baggy pants are everywhere. All successful people wear them. Even my mommy, the Queen does." " What!" Usagi shouted," Me in baggy pants. As if! I don't even like that tramp clothes. This can't be true!" " Sorry, but it is," Setsuna spoke," I've been to the future and Chibi Usa speaks the truth." " Shit!" Usagi sighed," Well I guess it wouldn't hurt to try Luna's idea. Let's go buy some baggy pants!" The girls agreed ( except the Outer Senshi, who thought Baggy Pants were dumb.)and left for the Juuban Shopping Center. ........................................................................... Meanwhile in another dimension, another meeting was taking place. " Shut up you fuckin' youmas and let me talk!" A angry woman in a gold colored sailor suit yelled over the loud crowd. Everyone fell silent. The woman looked around at her minions. Beside her sat her associates a ugly woman with long red hair ( Queen Baryl), Doom Tree, a ugly thing with horns ( Zirconia), a man in a lab coat ( Professor Tomoe), and a Queen Nephrenia. Around these 6 there sat all the villains from all Sailor Moon Seasons, including movie villains. Don't ask how they got there after they were killed or turned good, but they just did. And now they wanted to get rid of the Senshi once and for all. " Have any of you hear anymore news from Earth about the Senshi" asked Galaxia. " Yes", replied a rather tall muscular man with long silver/ white hair. Beside him sat his " boyfriend" a "pretty" man with long blonde hair tied in a ponytail.," Our Leader has important information, we just found out about this morning. It seems that the Sailor Senshi think they can beat us by changing their clothing style. It seems that something called Baggy Pants they think can make them stronger. They were seen at the Juuban Shopping Center purchasing the pants, over sized shirts with non-sense stuff like "Earthsiege 2" written on them. Do you think if we changed our look we could be stronger?" " I think we should get some Baggy Pants." spoke up Fish Eye," May be then that hunk Chiba Mamoru will love me!" He reached under the table and into his pants. " Keep your faggot hands off my Prince Endymion!" a angry Queen Baryl shouted at him," I met him in the first season, so I had him first. You leave him alone, Fish Eye or I'll give you fish. A smell of my fishy pussy!" Fish Eye thought that was gross. not because of the fish smell but because it was a pussy. He prefers men. He kept rubbing himself underneath the table, so nobody would see. " Hey I met him even before you, Baryl," spoke up Fiore," We used to be friends when he was a little kid in the orphanage. We PLAYED with each other's on frequent bases." " I don't know why you two want that fuckin' Cape Boy. He's nothing but a Senshi loving, gay loser. I hate that bastard!" Zoicite clanging his fists at the memory of his love affair with Mamoru. It seemed that in every season one of the villains would fall in love with Mamoru. I personally don't see why. I'm not much of a Mamoru fan myself. " Let's get back to the plot line of this fanfic, shall we?" Galaxia was getting impatient with the talk of these minions. " Anyone who disagrees with the Baggy Pants raise your hand." The Doom Tree raised it's branches. " Who cares what the Doom Tree thinks, it's only a tree." Said Sailor Iron Mouse," Let's kill it!" Eudial pulled out her Fire Buster Gun and destroyed the tree. Ail & Ann were out raged. " We needed that tree to live." Ann cried," Oh, Ail we should have stayed good. This bad guy role never works out for us. Now we only have a couple hours to live." They both started to cry and ran out of the meeting room. Nephrite pulled out a hand gun and shot them both dead before they could escape the building. " Now with them out of the way," said Wise Man," Let's get some Baggy Pants!" The whole Evil Society teleported to Earth to do some shopping. ............................................................................ Two days later Usagi was at Seiya's house for a "nice" Saturday evening when her communicator went off. Seiya " pulled himself out" of Usagi and answered her communicator. It was Rei-chan. " Tell Usagi to come quick to Urawa-chan's house. It looks like there might be a new villain for us to fight. Tell her not to forget her new costume. Bye." Before Seiya could say anything Rei hung up. " Usagi, get your Baggy Pants and get over to Ryo Urawa's house. That was Rei. The Sailor Senshi are needed to battle the forces of evil once more." He looked down at his stubby penis and wished it was longer. " Wouldn't you and the Sailor Starlights be needed?" Usagi pulled her pants on. " No," Seiya replied," the outer Senshi won't help either. They don't want to wear Baggy Pants." ............................................................................ Meanwhile at Urawa's house evil laughter could be heard. The laughter belonged to Urawa. Around him was the whole Evil Society. He was the leader. The Society's spy on Earth. " Finally we will be rid of those Sailor Senshi. This plan won't fail. They would never suspect that Ami's nerdy gay boyfriend is actually a warrior for the Evil Society." ........................................................................... A half hour later the Senshi were outside of Urawa's house. They stood in their new uniforms. Usagi had on a huge pair of black Baggy Pants and a oversized gray shirt with the words " Mr.Christie you make good cookies" on the front ( it was a very retarded shirt). She had cut her Odangos off and now had a short buzz cut hair style. She worn thick black make up on her eyelids and bright red lipstick. . The other Sailor Senshi looked similar. Mars was completely bald. She had took a red permanent marker and colored her head. She thought this was cool. She also worn Baggy Blue jeans and a long, baggy shirt saying " Body Count" on the front. She worn seven earrings in each ear, none of them were the same. Sailor Mercury had also got a hair cut. It was only 1 inch away from her head. She had her initials A.M. shaved into her head. She worn Baggy army colored pants, and a long shirt saying " Duke Nukem 3D" printed on the front. She had cut her face up the night before with a knife, so she would have scars and look tough. Her nails were painted black ( indicating she had sex already, which she did with Urawa the night of her make over.) Sailor Venus was the most interesting of the group. She had pierced most of her body visible to the public. She had a nose ring, earrings on both eye lids, and her tongue was pierced. She had left her hair long, but had sprayed orange spray paint in it. She off course worn Baggy Pants, and a short blue shirt saying " Crusader No Remorse" across the breasts. She like this shirt because it showed off her stomach earrings. Sailor Jupiter worn the most largest Baggy Pants in the group. Her pants were so big that they kept falling down and exposing her ass. She also worn a large brown shirt saying " DIC is cool". She had tattooed her entire face with a tattoo of a dragon. Her hair was cut short like Usagi's and she had dyed it dark black. Sailor Chibi Moon also had a new look. She worn huge leather Baggy Pants and a oversized black shirt, with a black leather jacket with the words " Funk & Wagnalls" on the back. She had took her hair out of her Odangos and didn't wash it for a week. Now it was a greasy, pink mess. She also got several tattoos on her arms and face. She had a collar around her neck with fake spikes around it. " You look so dumb, Sailor Moon. Mr.Christie's cookies suck!" Mars bitched at Moon," Why can't you wear a shirt with something tough on it." " What's so tough about Body Count? It's retarded. And Mr.Christie does too make good cookies. Why don't you shut up you fuckin' bitch!" " And you would know about cookies and food Usagi 'cause you're always stuffing your gut with it!" Mars was determined to win this argument. " Stop it you guys!" spoke up Jupiter," You are beginning to act just like a Baggy Pants type of bum. Now let's go. We have to save Urawa-chan!" Just then a gorgeous, tall muscular young man passed the Sailor Senshi. " Um, could you tell me the way to Ranma 1/2's house. I'm suppose to drop some condoms off to him." This hunk had a very thick German accent. He was very hard to understand. " Who are you?" asked Sailor Venus. " My name is Matthais Leucken. I just moved here from Germany." He looked at them with his gorgeous green eyes. The Senshi couldn't understand anything he was saying. His accent was too German. " Get lost. You're in the wrong fanfic. This isn't a Ranma hentai. " Moon told him. " O.K. I have to get home anyway. Bye." He turned and left. ........................................................................ The girls entered the house ( the door was unlocked). It was very quiet. " Maybe they left," said Sailor Chibi Moon. " Let's search the upstairs" suggested Sailor Mercury. They were all at the top of the stairs when Mars heard a soft sound coming from Urawa's room. " Let's check it out, Sailor Senshi." she whispered. She slowly opened the door. ....................................................................... " Nice to see you Sailor Senshi," said a rather evil looking Urawa in Baggy blue jeans," We were expecting you. Welcome to my Evil Society!" Around him was all the Sailor Moon villains all wearing Baggy Pants and displaying that " poor bum" look. Most had earrings and tattoos on their bodies. Even Wiseman was wearing Baggy Pants and he doesn't even have legs! " Urawa!" exclaimed Ami," Why didn't you tell me you were evil. I've been having sex with you all this time and you been keeping secrets from me. I won't stand for it. Come on Sailor Senshi let's defeat this jerk!" " Like to see you try," Urawa replied," Attack my minions!" All the villains charged at the Senshi. Sailor Mercury was trying to fight off Ves Ves and Tiger Eye at the same time. She tried her " Aqua Rhapsody" attack, but it didn't work. Sailor Mars was trying to fight off Kunzite and Saffire. She tried her " Burning Mandala" attack but they were too strong and took no damage. Sailor Jupiter was up against Para Para and Sailor Aluminum Siren. She used her " Oak Evolution" on them, but she was too weak. Sailor Venus had Jadeite and Sailor Tin Nyanko to deal with. Her " Venus Love-me-chain" didn't work. She couldn't even hurt Jadeite and he was suppose to be a weak little baby. Sailor Chibi Moon was up against Rubeus and the Wiseman. She tried her " Pink Sugar Heart attack", but that stupid little attack had no effect at all. " Come here, kid, I want to play with you." Rubeus walked towards her with a perverted smile on his face. Chibi Usa started to cry and shouted " Help me Pegasus! Help save me from this hentai man!" Just then Pegasus did appear but didn't have time to help. He was destroyed by the Amazon Trio. " That's for making us good." said Hawk Eye, after the Pegasus hit the floor. Meanwhile Sailor Moon was up against Fish Eye and Zoicite. Zoicite shot his cherry blossoms at Moon, with a loud " Zoi!" Moon tried her tiara, but Fish Eye caught it in his hands when she went to throw it. " You lose Sailor Moon." he said. He aimed the tiara at Sailor Moon and was about to throw it, when Tuxedo Mask music was heard in the room. " Baggy Pants Kamen you're here! Help get these fags away from me" Sailor Moon exclaimed. Everyone looked up at one of the windows and there stood Baggy Pants Kamen. He stood in his usual tuxedo, except that he worn extra large Baggy black pants. Everyone was silent awaiting his usual boring speech. " Sailor Soldiers," he spoke," I know it seems you are out numbered, but you can win this fight. The power isn't in the pants. It's in your hearts. If you truly believe in yourselves you can defeat this evil, no matter what you wear or look like." " Baggy Pants Kamen is right," said Sailor Moon," We can defeat them all." All the Sailor Senshi held hands in a circle. " Mercury Star Power!" " Mars Star Power!" " Jupiter Star Power!" " Venus Star Power!" " Moon Prism Power!" " Moon Crystal Power!" A bolt of strong energy shot out from the circle. It destroyed all the villains in the room including Urawa. And they were dead for real this time. " We did it!" they all shouted. " Where's Baggy Pants Kamen?" asked Venus. " His name's Tuxedo Kamen. These Baggy Pants didn't help us fight at all. It was the power of our own love that beat them." Sailor Moon looked up at the window where Tuxedo Kamen had been. " You're right Odango Atama," spoke up Mars, " Let's get back to our regular Sailor suits." Everyone agreed. As they were leaving the house, Sailor Mercury spoke up. " If Tuxedo Kamen doesn't think we should wear Baggy Pants, why was he wearing them himself?" Nobody could answer. ......................................................................... This fanfic did have a moral if you didn't pick it up. You don't need Baggy Pants to be cool or strong. Just be yourself. E-mail me at for your opinion on this fanfic. No death threats excepted. Who knows someone out there might share my dislike in those "ugly" baggy pants. Ja ne Miss ParaPara E-mail all comments, suggestions, etc to For more of my fics go to Motoki's SM Page at